Body memories are when your body physically remembers the trauma and it shows up in your body. I hate these because it feels like I’m being hurt all over again even though I am safe but I physical feel pain in places where the trauma happened.

These are one of my most troubling PTSD symptoms because it is like a flashback but a physical one and people don’t get it. It’s not like I reliving it visually I am reliving it physically and that means I feel the pain in the places where I was raped. This tends to happen more often when I am in a dark room and the door is closed. I was at a mindful meditation deep breathing group at a detox they turned down the lights I had huge body memories felt like I was being raped all over again which turned into a panic attack. I left the room to go upstairs to get help only to be told to go back downstairs. I said I might as well leave and the staff said then pack your bags and leave so I did. She did not understand at all. Did not give me much of a time to explain and I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t communicate properly. I wish people were more understanding of people with PTSD symptoms. Especially since most people with addiction have some sort of trauma history. That day I left and took the rest of my valium and then drank. That was my last drunk I ended up coming home because I had to take HIV prevention meds because of my recent rape and haven’t drank since, but I probably would have had more sobriety is the lady didn’t kick me out of detox because she didn’t understand body memories. I was able to work through it. But I know other people aren’t so lucky and someone could use and die because of it. I hope that addiction workers can start to be more sympathetic to people who have trauma issues. I did write an email to the supervisor of the detox he said to call back but been too afraid to but I might because if it helps another women from going through the same thing it might be worth it.

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